f you ask me if I am all fine, I could tell you, No, I am not. I will never be Okay. Since the day your gone, everything changed. I know it was all my fault telling you I wanted a separation but that was not what I really wished. I thought you would be holding me hard and firm enough not to let me go but it happened the other way round. What I really hoped was you telling me "everything is gonna be alright. We can endure this, nothing is gonna pull us down, our love is strong!" Maybe I was wrong. Our love is too soon to be tested, perhaps.
I am all down for not being able to fix all these mess. It is my nightmare, those words keep popping in my head saying we are just FRIENDS. I try hard to deny it but it does not do any good. Instead, it makes me feel even worse. I hate it much when you told me I love you but as a friend, too. My heart sank deep down into the sea. That's definitely killed a big whole part of me. I wonder, is that what you really want? us being friends? that's all? To me, I want more, I always want more from this, you know it.
I have been telling myself not to think of you always but it does not work that way. I never know it would be that tiring to keep telling someone "I love you, I miss you" when our love ignores all those feeling. It hurts too much and I try not to think of it. I guess you have started forgetting me, trying hard to erase me from your life, aren't you? How am I supposed to live without that horror thought for the rest of my life?
You told me you love me? Or it supposed to be loveD? I realize there's no forever you and me from our conversation. I hate being replaced by another girl, I could not accept that fact, please forgive me. No matter how much love you have for me in this life time, it will disappear once you have found your love. My tears keep falling, my heart is aching, reminiscing our past. I know my words has done the damage till your heart is refusing to accept my apology. Everything messed up, you and me are back to the place where we belong? We are not meant to be together? Please tell me we are...
I wanted to cry in your arms because that's where I wanted to stay. I wanted to find you because that's where I was supposed to be. I wanted to tell you I love you because you are my prince. But why? why did we end up like this? I love you still. Day by day my love towards you is blossoming and it cannot be stopped anymore. I am sorry.
Please come back to me. I am falling apart without you in my life. Are you feeling the same like I do? And, I just want to tell you...I MISS YOU ALREADY...
xx signed off at 8:53 AM
Monday, April 12, 2010
Brandon,
How are you today? Are you doing great? I wish you are because I care about you so much. I have been busy lately, with assignments and all, so I did not write to you. Sorry. I am having a great time, though! How I wish you were here sometimes. So, we can share all the moment we have, either good or bad, it does not matter.
Now, it is 8.33am. Time ticks away and I found we have been together for 1 year +++ . It is incredible, isn't it? Undoubtedly, my love for you is getting deeper and there is no end for it. I am always sure about it. How about you, my prince? Do you ever feel the same like I do?
I have class later, Linguistics is the name. Linguistics is always the toughest subject, sometimes I feel like giving up. I know I should not but I just could not help myself. Sorry. So far, I know languages have never been a problem for you as you love to learn every single things in your life and I always feel glad for that.
Hmm.. I have nothing much to say, I do not know why. LOL-- Anyway, love you and miss you always!
xx signed off at 5:43 PM
Friday, April 9, 2010
Doubts
Brandon,
I am all sad for the reason of curiosity kills the cat. I do not know why was I reading those comments. As I was reading them, I caught my eyes welled up and quickly I wiped them away. My sis was here with me but parts of her was on phone, talking happily to her friends. I am glad to see her doing all fine, so rare to see her with a smile even a small grin. She has the most beautiful smile ever, ravishing girl she is always. Everyone loves her, I bet you would, too. Who wouldn't?
As I was writing my feeling down, my heart shattered again. I know it well. Please forgive me for being such a crybaby. Lately I always caught myself crying over petty stuff which I did not know the reason why. Maybe I was just being emotional, that's all. I wish to talk to you and tell you how much I need to have a deep conversation with you. Seriously, I do. I have too much to tell you till I do not know where to start off.
Above all, I was all confused and feeling hurt the most. I loved you too much, more than ever. As the time passes by, I find it hard to hold on to you because the more I was trying to grasp on you the far away you are. Why things happened they love and not the way I wish them to? I blamed myself on that, not you. I take all the blame, I could not afford of losing you, perhaps? You are too precious.
I doubted on you, always. Do you feel the same like I do? Or I am the only one that thinking too much on this? I was not too sure. I do not know what love ever means anymore, they are too far away from me. Sorry for being a jerk again. Sorry but I love you. Trust me, I never put any blame on you. Never.
xx signed off at 8:35 AM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Where are you
Brandon, where are you....I miss you....
" Where are you "
Bosson
Where are you..
oh oh where are you
i'm caling your name where are u..baby...ohh..ah ah
some meet in the strangest places
some meet in the place that they are working
some meet in their own back yard
some say it was love at first sight
some say that they never could imagine
they say that they found the right one..ahh baby
[Chorus]
where are u
when i'm calling ur name..ahh baby
(where are u) when i'm here all alone
where are u (where are you)
when i reach out my hand
oh honey where are u when i need you most ..oh babe
where are you
some meet at the supermarket
some meet on a summer vacation
some meet at the local park
some say it was meant to be them
some say that they waited for a long time
they say that they found the right one..ahh baby
where are u
when i'm calling ur name..ahh baby
(where are u) when i'm here all alone
where are u (where are you)
when i reach out my hand
oh honey where are u when i need you most ..oh babe
where are you
[Bridge:]
oh baby..
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it keeps on going on, every second its stronger
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it makes me feel good, so i can hold on much longer
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it keeps on going on, every second its stronger
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it makes me feel good, so i can hold on much longer
where are u
when i'm calling ur name..ahh baby
(where are u) when i'm here all alone
where are u (where are you)
when i reach out my hand
oh honey where are u when i need you most ..oh babe
where are you
where are u
when i'm calling ur name..ahh baby
(where are u) when i'm here all alone
where are u (where are you)
when i reach out my hand
oh honey where are u when i need you most ..oh babe
where are you
[Bridge:]
oh baby..
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it keeps on going on, every second its stronger
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it makes me feel good, so i can hold on much longer
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it keeps on going on, every second its stronger
one song has been song is stuck in my head
and it makes me feel good, so i can hold on much longer
xx signed off at 6:32 AM
Beautiful
Brandon, I am here again. I just come across this song and it reminds me about you. I wonder would you sing that song to me during our wedding? I know I am silly to have such a thought. I just can't help myself but keep smiling. It's sweet and lovely. How I wish you would be my bridegroom in this life time. Will it happen? How I wish....
Bosson - Beautiful
I do believe in fate cause that's how we met
It was raining and we were soaking wet
You took the last of cabs on an empty street
Then you smiled at me and said 'take a seat...'
I said do you believe in love at first sight?
You said if you give me a reason I might
Ok, well your hair is wet and your clothes are a mess
And your makeup is all over your face...
And still you're so...
[Chorus]
Beautiful, so, sweet and just adorable
You are a miracle, simply irresistible
You are so beautiful, so, sweet and just adorable
You are the finest thing that I've seen in my life
You're everything that I've ever dreamed of
Now it's been seven years 1 month and a day
Since we met and I'm so happy to say
Today we'll be man and wife and dedicate
Our lives to the precious thing we have called love
So now I'm standing here well dressed and prepared
In a black suit that you told me to wear
And when you're walking in, you amazing thing,
You take my breath away...
Cause you are so.....
[Chorus]
For richer and poorer till death do us part
In sickness, in health you are always in my heart
Till the day when we're old and grey
I will cherish and love you in every kind of way
[Chorus]
xx signed off at 5:52 AM
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
A Princess Diary
This is my diary. A diary for you.
Brandon, my lovely prince, where are you? I have been missing you since the day we know each other. Do you ever notice this little secret of mine? I guess you never because you were too busy till then. It is okay. I understand.
Yes, I miss you. I do not know why. You are the only one that really can make me stay and you made me discover what love is. I still remember how you comforted me when I was crying over my past. You made a good listener and good adviser, I suppose. I never knew I would fall for u. Never till now.
You are one in a million, once in a life time! Hmm, I am listening to Bosson's song - One in a million. I love that song very much. Brandon, I know bits and pieces of you from Suijy. I was not trying to stalk you but to know you better. You were too busy with your life till we can hardly talk but I do not blame you. No worries. I was just trying to walk into your life but I guess I did not succeed.
You were mysterious in a good way, secretive? I do not know. Maybe we were too far apart, I was not too sure about your feeling towards me. I might doubt on it sometimes as I was worried I am not perfect enough for you. Well, I guess I am not, I will never be one though I am trying my best to be one.
You are someone awesome. A man that every girl could dream of. You are every girl's dream man. Do not fight on it. You know it well, Prince. Am I afraid of losing you? Definitely. Every moment I can say. There is nothing I can do but waiting. I am now a well-trained patient girl by you, Prince. Trust me on this.
How I wish you were here with me.
How I wish I could just look into your eyes and tell you how much I miss you.
How I wish you are happy with your life.
How I wish I were your angel.
How I wish I could fill your life with happiness and lots of love.
How I wish I could wipe away all those sad memories.
How I wish I could mend your broken heart.
How I wish we are meant to be.
How I wish our love will last forever.
